Who sets the standards you live by?

Who sets the standards you live by?

“If I get to pick what I want to do, then it's play... if someone else tells me that I have to do it, then it's work.”

-- Patricia Nourot

Are you continually struggling to accomplish what is expected of you? If so, stop to think for a moment: who holds those expectations?

Perhaps you’re trying to meet the expectations of a parent or a teacher or other authority figures who may be long gone from your life. But many of us toil under the critical eyes of a vague ‘somebody’ who always judges that we’ve never done enough or done things well enough. Who is this phantom judge? And do we need to care about what they think any longer?

We find both our own power and happiness when we begin to set our own standards around what has heart and meaning for us.

“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you can see forever.”

-- Nancy Lopez

Who sets the standards you live by?

I Do No REAL-ly I Do, with pleasure NOW, this was something in my life that I've had a many challenges with, and in the past couple of years, I've BE-en getting my mate, to stop asking me " So what did you do today ??? " he was really rasied with the programing, one has to always BE doing something, to BE someone. Crazy Horse Plow, he was. His dad worked him on the farm like he was a plow horse, barely had time to eat. It use to be when we had a fight about something, you would find him outside washing the car for me, or making me something to eat, or doing the dishes, all just to make-up with me or to make me happy. Something else that had to be reprogramed also, thinking one can make another happy, I always told him, not his job, or responibility. I know, I know what you ladies are going to say, where is this Guy, gotta got me one of them. But no, all joking aside, it really had it's draw backs for the two of us to work-OUT.

We're getting there though.

This has REAL-ly changed how I see myself now and others. It really changes the expectancy levels around here and has allowed us both the room to grow in a new direction of thoughts, with alot more Appreciation and Understanding, which in turn allows us to grow more every day, to BE more of WHO WE REAL-ly ARE. I've also asked others not to place me in a box with their thoughts, of how you THINK you know me, or have known me for that matter, I think this why of thinking can stunt ones growth and makes it harder to change or reconnect with ONEs True s-ELF.

Please don't claim to know me, for I may SURPISE you or dis-illusion you at Best.

It is a hard task to be in an intimate relationship with another and not to have expectancy issues. It is part of the parcel and a huge learning curve. Part of that learning curve can resolve itself through amicable agreement, which can still entail some expectation. I wish I knew how how to surpass this one. Even if someone was to chose to ditch the partner and 'be over' the lesson, someone will take up their place even if they weren't intimate. I guess the true empowerment lies in not giving a hoot about what anyone else thinks, but then you would come up with the dilemma of being insensitive, or callous, or self-centred, or unspiritual, or inhuman, or unthoughtful etc... bag load of extras. It would appear that trying to overcome this lesson is a major task.

WOW Are we all going through the same lesson?? Cos this is mine too but it is not partner related specifically but more of an external acceptance issue. I make myself miserable - and I mean sick to the stomach with stress and worry, or tight neck muscle headache in pain sick or so depressed I want to sleep to avoid the issue sick - rather that face the simple truth trying to come through: joy comes from within and outside acceptance is not only superficial but not the source of long lasting soul felt happiness. Here's the 411, people: we are conditioned to believe that we must fit in to be accepted and anything else is not good enough - translation: we are not good enough (and there is the brainwashing tool in all it's ugly manifestation). Solane, you see it in your mate - submission and sacrifice make him a worthy person (that is what he was conditioned to believe and now lives). Nuelma, the way you describe someone who doesn't give a hoot smacks of being conditioned to seeing this as a negative trait when it could just be that the person is exercising healthy boundaries, independent or self-sufficient. To care about yourself and have healthy realistic standards is an act of self-love. Is it all about you? YES! Is it selfish to be self-centred in this way? NO!! Whose choice is it how we use our energy and what we create with it - OURS!!!

What lays at the basis of this lesson we are all experiencing? Embracing our personal power. People who get angry or threatened by those who are happy and do what they want rather than what is expected of them are the ones resisting their own personal power. Everything we do is spiritual - spirit is part of the energy that all is made from so how can anything not be spiritual? It may appear greatly removed from our concept of spirituality, but our opinion does not affect the basic notion that everything comes from Source and Source is spirit so there is nothing that is not spirit. (Thanks Nuelma for the recent reminder ).

Reading this post was like this for me. I have been wrestling with a crossroads situation in my life and the very first words I read in this thread were the A-ha! moment that sealed the deal for me. Thanks spirit for the clarity. Lesson learned. File it under "No thanks, I don't need a stomach ulcer to remind me why I am here. I choose to enjoy my life and live from the soul."

Nuelma wrote:

It is a hard task to be in an intimate relationship with another and not to have expectancy issues. It is part of the parcel and a huge learning curve. Part of that learning curve can resolve itself through amicable agreement, which can still entail some expectation. I wish I knew how how to surpass this one. Even if someone was to chose to ditch the partner and 'be over' the lesson, someone will take up their place even if they weren't intimate. I guess the true empowerment lies in not giving a hoot about what anyone else thinks, but then you would come up with the dilemma of being insensitive, or callous, or self-centred, or unspiritual, or inhuman, or unthoughtful etc... bag load of extras. It would appear that trying to overcome this lesson is a major task.

I think part of our Soul Journey is to learn a new way to re- think OUR thought patterns and replace them by looking for " TRIGGER POINTS " that go off in ONE-s head. This is what I do and call Trigger Points for me.

Example of one would BE: When ONE SEE's themself expecting(expectancy issues) something from another or triggered from other events, this would BE the time when a Trigger Point could come into play, by replacing one's " expectancy " word, with words and thoughts like " Appreciation and Understanding " for what may REAL-ly BE revealing it s-ELf to us, to look and SEE these as opportunities to start re-placing these thoughts with different ONE-s, so that it ALL-so changes the whole Dynamics of the out come of any given situation. Most times it will rear it's ugly head in the affect of a mirror reflection for US to SEE, the parallels, this changing of thought patterns and different ways of thinking CREAT-s a whole different ball game, and the ball is in y-OUR court, so to speak. (Who sets the standards you live by?) So on that note it's REAL-ly quite simple, another Trigger Point for me here, let me explain again. Re-place the Trigger Point word " Hard Task " with some words like " Appreciation for BEing given the gifts to SEE, the Lessons that may-BE REAL-ly PRESENT-ing, revealing themselves " as opportunies to change and this makes it alot simpler and easier to re-place these old thought patterns. This is what I meant by my above posts. ALL-ways thinking I have to do things the hard way, all the time is ALL-so some of my old thought patterns that I'd Love to re-place and PLAY OUT with Appreciation again, for re-MIND-ing me that I was doing it the hard way again and to start PLAY-ing again with my thought patterns !! !! Changing ONE-s Dynamics, changes ever-ything.

I hope this made sense, the above

THANK-YOU Nuelma

You Ladies REAL-ly do get me thinking !! !!

I love your description there Solane - I think you have hit the nail right on the head so to speak.

Absolutely